Monday, April 19, 2010

Go As The Water Goes

Oh boy...today has been a rainy, anxiety ridden day. Neither of which I expected when I got up this morning. Before this Monday has finished I may have tried several medicinal approaches, legal and otherwise, to calm down.

I have no reason to be anxious (though I know from experience that one does not ever need a reason). Yet I've started to think about things that make me anxious. It's almost like the anxiety breeds reasons for it to exist when there was originally nothing there.

One example that comes to mind is The Evil One. Those of you who know me know that I don't believe in the devil or pure evil, and if you know me really well, you know I'm talking about a person who zapped 8 years of my life in my early to mid-20s. Her reign in my life is by far over and the memories and effects from that experience are no longer part of my every day being.

At the same time, I've been pushed by a few people lately--and by myself as well--to write more. "Like the old days." I've been pondering things to write about and I keep coming back to the reign of The Evil One. Writing for me has always taken form as a lengthy email or a play. So my mind has been turning over ideas of how to put those 8 years into a play. It's an amazing story full of many layers and a real case study in psychosis. But can I go there? After not having had that part of my life on my mind in so long, can I reach into that pocket of my memory purse and pull out the old receipts to share with a piece of paper...and one day maybe others?

I don't know the answer yet, but I do know something is calling to me. I will do my best to listen and as always, go as the water goes.