Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Old Blogs--April 4, 2008

Shhh...

It's 1:30 a.m. I'm awake because it's quiet.

I got new hearing aids today. They are amazing. I stood folding laundry at the dryer this evening and heard behind me a slow ticking noise. I froze in attempt to isolate the sound and figure out what was broken or misleading my ears. I turned around and realized that I could hear the second hand of the clock on the wall.

I said out loud, "Oh my god. It's the second hand of the clock on the wall."

There are sounds everywhere that I've never heard before. There are sounds I've heard but never with such clarity. There is depth in music and there is clattering in typing. Much of what I hear is annoying. I imagine it's because my brain doesn't know what to do with the new information yet. My internal wiring does not yet match the wiring of my hardware. Sounds are everywhere...and I don't know how to explain how profoundly fascinating that is to me.

But I'm awake because it's quiet. I could go to sleep. I could take a few pills that would knock me out if I decided I wanted to sleep. But I don't because it's quiet. Phones aren't ringing, kids aren't talking, cars aren't honking...it's just me and the sound of the second hand on the clock.

I'm sad because tomorrow I will wake up and there will be noise again. And it will not be the noise of new hearing aids. It will be the noise of life that is too much for me to hold right now. But I will soon be safe in the metaphorical arms of my warmest support, on a noisy plane to our quiet weekend vacation.

Until then, I'm going to rest in the quiet and not fret about the noise. It will always be there.

It's 1:38. I'm awake because it's quiet.


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