Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Old Blogs--April 2008

Tears on the Treadmill

I went to workout last night after coming back from Tucson with Mom. I got on the treadmill and didn't even bother with my usual 4 or 5 minute walk to warm up. I just started running. And I kept running and running and running. I had my ipod shuffle playing "Downtown" and something else that I don't remember at the moment but it was perfect work out music. I was zoned out, singing almost out loud and staring at the buttons...speed, incline, laps, heart rate...and then I looked up and surveyed the gym.

Had I not been in a public place I would have started crying...and crying, and crying. I thought working out created a positive adrenaline rush. Apparently it can create all kinds of changes in your body and your mind.

I kept running, somewhat scared of the tears right behind my eyes and then I got angry. Really angry. Start-a-brawl-angry. Angry at tears, moods, bright lights and loudness. Then I couldn't handle the running anymore so I lifted weights. Lots of weights. Depending on the muscle, there were some 20lbs, 60lbs and then the all important show-off leg press of 165lbs.

After watching weights go up and down and up and down I started to feel better. I felt stronger. I was sweating and felt like I had done something awesome. And I had. But then I realized that feeling stronger didn't change the water works or the anger. They're still in me and not too far under the surface. I'm certain they will be there for awhile.

So, as Richard, Rocky, Mom, Toni and a small portion of my own brain tell me...I'll go as the water goes and not resist what I feel. I just wish the wet of the water wasn't made of so many tears.

No comments: